My Best Friend is Dying…
Posted in Blog News on November 13th by Dan.
Our dog Sam yelps. This is what he does when he needs my attention. It wasn’t always this way. When I’d come home I used to hear the skittering of his nails across the hardwood floor before I would see him. Then moments later 80 pounds of white fur and exuberance would barrel into me from around the corner. But it’s different now. Sam yelps to let me know where he’s at in the house, so I can come and find him. He is old. His legs no longer work. Father time has come for him. I’m just not ready to let him go. He is my friend. My best friend. At times he’s been my only friend.
The noise he makes is not a whine.
It is not a whimper. It is not a wail. It is a cry for help.
Help me… Help me friend. I cannot walk.
I remember the first day his legs gave away and he fell to the floor. He looked up at me stupefied. He looked up for me for an explanation. He looked up at his best friend for help. I remember not having the words to explain it to him.
Some days when I come home, I find him in the living room looking out on places where his legs used to carry him. When I enter the room, he looks at me and I look at him. It’s hard for me to look at him. I know his time is measured in minutes, hours, days. I know that the cancer eating away at him will soon be too much for him. But I also know he won’t let go easily. I know he will hold on longer – longer than he should – because he thinks that’s what I want. And because he’s a proud, strong dog who wants to make sure the rest of our family is okay. It’s a duty he’s carried across his broad-chest swollen with pride for the last 13 years.
It crushes me to know that when his times comes – I’ll be the one who has to make the decision for him – for us. All dog owners know this is one of the hardest decisions we have to make in life. There is nothing humane or pleasant about it. I only hope that when the time does come I have the strength to do what is right for – my friend, my best friend, at times my only friend.
There are good days. Days when he smiles and wags his tail as I pick him up and carry him to the backyard to do his business. There are bad days. Days when I can see shame tinged across his face because I do have to carry him. Days when I can’t get to him in time and he’s lying in a puddle of his own urine. The look on his face is one of complete embarrassment and humiliation. I don’t know which one of us feels worse, him or I.
I believe dogs have a sense of pride and dignity. And I promise myself I won’t let him live an undignified life. Every day I ask, “Sam, please let me know when it’s time to go old friend.”
Sadly, tragically, heartbreakingly… Sam lets us know.
Last Friday morning when we came home Sam was in the pool. The same pool he’d swam in for thirteen years. The very same pool he’d dive into and retrieve the ball over and over again. Only this time it wasn’t the same Sam that went into the pool.
The legs that would no longer carry him, were no longer enough to help him swim. They were no longer enough to let him get to the stairs. They were no longer enough to save his life. My friend, my best friend, at times my only friend… drowned.
I’d like to believe that he knew we didn’t have the strength to do what was necessary… and that his time had come… and that we were keeping him alive for us… and that this was his proud, strong, dignified way of letting go.
We’ll never know for sure, but there are empty places looming large inside of me. I… we miss him.
He is my friend. My best friend. At times my only friend.
Good night, sweet Prince.
Good night.
Technorati Tags: Dan Clark, Dan Nitro Clark, Nitro, American Gladiators, Gladiator Nitro, Dog, Nitro loses his dog, A tribute to my dog, My best friend is dying, Man's best friend
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I understand.
http://you-cant-read-my-mind-i-scribble.blogspot.com/2009/08/there-will-be-no-dog-in-my-house.html
Hey Dan: My heart goes out to you and Sam. I have been through that with four dogs. I love animals more than people and miss all my friends, my two Rotts (Brigette and Marilyn), Jessie and Whiskers too. I have Shorty now that I rescued and he is a chihuahua mix. Really, as I write this I cry. I am so sorry for you!
Dan, I really know what you are going/went thru. I also have a dog/companion that is approximately the same age, and yes, he is getting weaker, and his days are numbered. I'm sitting here replying, and could hardly read this, due to the rivers of tears. We got Ace from the animal shelter about 11 1/2 years ago, and could not have asked for a more faithful companion. We will have to make the same decision that Sam prevented you to haveing to make at some point, and I just hope we can.
God Bless,
Charlie, age 66, Comfort, Texas
,
Awwww, Dan…. Your heart is as big as the sky.
Hugs you.
ya dog had a good life because of you.
xooxoxoo
Rose
So sorry for your loss. I'm crying with you…I had to put my dog down as well due to old age and this just brings up raw emotions in me.
You gave your dog a good, happy life – never regret that. (((Hugs)))
Dear Dan- My friend Sky shared your story with me. i am crying as I write this. Your Sam looks just like my Jasper. And it breaks my heart. They are such sweet, gentle souls. Know that the love you showed Sam came through in his wagging tail, his smiles, his licks and his big gently sighs he let out. He was loved and so were you… Thank you for sharing his story. xo Rita
Hey Dan… My heart goes out to you and your family… I can't even tell you that I know how you are feeling, cause I never got to have the joy of living the life you did with Sam. I have a beautiful female Rottie by the name Katahdin, she is named after the largest black mountain in Maine. Well Katahdin is my very best friend, I could have the baddest day and she would come lay down next to me and rest her head on my feet, Guess it was her way of saying she would always be there. Katahdin was getting older when I moved from Boston, so we moved to the Sunshine State of Florida. As soon as we got here she got sick. the vet here told me she had Cancer and insisted that they give her chemotherapy. plus gave her not more than six monthes to live. I called Katahdin's Vet back in Boston who has taken care of her vet needs for close to 10 years, he recommended that I leave her be, cause if she is weak the chemo will kill her. It is three years later after the Vet here in Florida told me she had Cancer and Katahdin is slowing down to nothing anymore. So Dan I can tell you this…I'm living the nightmare that you have probably already have. I wake up every morning scared to found out if she is still with me or not. I get a knot in my stomach when I pull up in the driveway and walk to the front door not knowing if I'm going to find her gone. You don't realize how great it is to have a animal, a bestfriend meet you at the door everytime you open it or to throw a ball and have her or him bring it back to you. To lay on the floor and they lay beside you and want to put their head on you just to touch you. we all get all caught with everyday living not to realize how great it is till it's gone. Dan I will never tell you "I know how you are feeling" cause No one know how you are feeling other than you and God. I will tell you this as a friend…All the weights in gyms around the world couldn't make anybody strong enough to handle the loss of a great friend. I will pray for you and your family to heal from all this hurt and sadness. God Bless You Sam and Your Family !
Oh Gosh Dan, let me grab the tissue….There is nothing like the love of your pet. These little angels from heaven touch our life's in the most profound way. I am so sorry for your loss and I know how you feel as I lost my dog Roxy a few years ago. She too had cancer and they told me I could take her home for a week but I had to bring her back and put her down. I put her in the back of my car in her bed and told her I loved her and to lay down "Mommie was here to take her Home". On the way home I was crying and wondering how i was gonna bring her back. When I opened the SUV when I got home, she had passed away in the car. I sobbed for the loss of "My Best Friend "and for how much I was gonna miss her.Our pets bring us such joy and unconditional love. May your Sam always bring a smile to your face and have a special place in your heart. He's gonna miss you too!
Thanks you all for you kind words. It helps fill empty spaces that loom large inside of us.
Dan
Dear Dan,
You have such a gift for writing that I sit here in a puddle of tears! I am so very sorry for your loss…I am happy that Sam is now running in a field somewhere chasing a ball…He doesnt want you to worry because he knows that his life is better now…There is no more cancer eating away at him, his legs work again, he isnt in pain… I hope you will find comfort in that knowledge and image….
always,
Kimberly
Very sorry to here about Sam.
Sorry to hear about your loss. I had a lab with cancer I had to put down almost two years ago. Coming home each day for four months wondering if this was the day was one of the hardest thing I had to go through.
This was one of the most beautiful letters I have ever read. I can relate to it so much by what I experienced at the end of our yellow Lab, Sheba's life. What an amazing way to say goodbye by writing a beautiful story about love and loyalty. <3
I'm very sorry to hear about Sam's passing. I wish I could offer more advice from the heart but this hasn't happened to me yet. I've grown up knowing all of the neighborhood dogs better than I knew some of their owners but never having any in my house because of my mom's illness. My parents always said that when I'd be at school and dad at work that if the dog needed to go outside, there would be no way for my mom to let him out and it wouldn't have been fair to the dog. Needless to say, I hope I can handle a close friend's passing as well as you've been able to when the time comes and I can finally have a dog of my own.
Very sorry for your loss. It is a terrible thing to lose our animal friends. Your very poignant blog entry reminds me to make the best use of my time with my animals and to not take their presence for granted.
Dan,
Sam knew just how much you loved him, and now that he's in a better place, it's ALL that he remembers. No more pain, no more shame, just lovely memories of basking in the love you showed him each day.
Sam was lucky to have you and you were lucky to have him………what a brave soul!
Don't really know what to say more than thank you for sharing this. I wish our animals could live forever…..that's the worst, you never know when the time has come, and when it has come you don't want to believe it. Still remember my father, big, strong, unemotional, crying like a childwhen we had to put my first cat to sleep. So, thank you Dan for sharing both your love and the tears.
I find comfort in these words:
"All Dogs Go To Heaven…"
Oh My , I am so sorry Dan.
RIP Sam.
I leave you with some words of comfort. My belief is that there is a heaven waiting for us that is so glorious… and it will include your pets… where the lion will play with the lamb..with no worries. Only peace ,love, and abundance.
Beautifully conveyed my poetic gladiator. I am not looking forward to Tasha beating me to the finish line. Sam is in heaven looking down wondering what all the fuss is all about as he runs like the wind!
Hi Danny, I'm sorry about the loss of your beloved pet. Dogs are such wonderful creatures. They give us their unconditional love. I'm looking at Chloe now :)
“Grief drives men into habits of serious reflection, sharpens the understanding, and softens the heart” (John Adams)
Good Bye Sam! Dan and Gaye — I am so sorry for your loss. I hope Sam and Picot are running around together in a happy place. xo
I am so sorry to hear about your beloved pet – and it was such a sad story. I have my first dog now that I ever had – Precious- my wonderful Maltese. She is my "furry" daughter and I love her more than anything. She is now 9 and starting to get a bit older and I dread when it is her time. And I can't imagine making that decision and hope she passes peacefully. I don't even want to think about her getting older. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
Deb Arlotta
It really is one of life's cruel jokes – that our pets live such a short time. A friend of mine just referred Temple Grandin's book (a woman who designs friendly slaughter houses) she believes that dog and humans have integrated into each others lives that dog's brains have changed and been altered through evolution and that when we learn to understand the brain – we'll discover that they (dogs) have and endless capacity to love…
I am saddened by your loss. Your story brought back very recent memories of losing Chester (Shepherd) and Maggie (lab) and then Meow Meow (the talking cat)…all within 12 months! Heartbreaking. We haven't brought home a new animal yet…but we will soon. First we grieve and then it's time to heal and share your life with another animal or two or three… Sending you love.
That totally broke my heart Dan. Tears down my cheeks..I am so very sorry for you to have seen your baby in such pain for so long. Sending you and yours lots of love for the healing process in front of you.. xoxo, ~Samantha, puggy Zoe' and fat cat Joey
Sam was called to a new life, where he can take this chapter that you have taught and given him for his soul to carry on so fully. Sam will be watching over you.
Yours, Tahnie Toland
I am SOooo so sorry Danny as I know what your dogs mean to you. It is so very hard to lose your best friend.The friend that is always happy to see you with a smile on their face, the friend that always to listens to every thing you have to say…even the nonsense, the keeper of your deepest secrets, the friend that knows you better then anyone, and the friend who NEVER lets you down….. It is so hard. They just don't stay with us long enough, but with that said in Sam's short time here he was loved like no other and lived a life filled with love and happiness. He was one lucky boy because of your love for your best friend.
Sincerely,
Dawn
Gosh, that was a hard read. It made me think twice about my faithful pup and how age is catching up to her. I see the cataracs in her eyes and watch her struggle to get down the stairs. When that day comes, like Sam"s did, when she no longer rushes to the door, I will understand what it is like to lose a loving canine companion. So sorry Dan, very sorry.
Dan,
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I had one dog growing up. We got him when I was in 1st grade and he lived until my senior year in high school. He was my best and most constant friend growing up. (4 different moves and schools) I still miss him at times, and I'm in my 40s. What you wrote reminded me of him, and I know how you feel. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and had many other things to be thankful for.
Good Bye Sam! Dan and Gaye — I am so sorry for your loss. I hope Sam and Picot are running around together in a happy place. xo
I am saddened by your loss. Your story brought back very recent memories of losing Chester (Shepherd) and Maggie (lab) and then Meow Meow (the talking cat)…all within 12 months! Heartbreaking. We haven’t brought home a new animal yet…but we will soon. First we grieve and then it’s time to heal and share your life with another animal or two or three… Sending you love.
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